Fulfillment

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Fulfillment in life, in work, in all kinds of activities.

 

Eight ways gratitude boosts happiness

Sunday, November 23rd, 2008

Popular how-to book on happiness by leading researcherDoes cultivating gratitude increase happiness? Not very many studies have tackled this question directly, but the evidence so far from psychology research is pretty clear: Yes.

In her book The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want, Sonja Lyubomirsky discusses eight ways gratitude boosts happiness.

1. Gratitude promotes savoring positive life experiences.

2. Gratitude may increase a sense of confidence and self-worth, by encouraging you to consider what you value about your current life.

3. Gratitude helps you cope with difficulties.

4. Gratitude encourages kindness and other moral behavior.

5. Gratitude helps strengthen relationships.

6. Gratitude inhibits envy.

7. Gratitude helps undermine negative emotions.

8. Gratitude keeps us from taking the good things for granted.

Here’s what she had to say in more detail, interspersed with my comments:

First, grateful thinking promotes the savoring of positive life experiences. By relishing and taking pleasure in some of the gifts of your life, you will be able to extract the maximum possible satisfaction and enjoyment from your current circumstances. When my first child was only a few months old, an older woman approached me while I was struggling with the stroller. “Your baby is so beautiful,: she said. “appreciate this age; it goes by so fast!” At the time I was feeling overwhelmed an sleep-deprived and, to be honest, didn’t much appreciate her glib intrusion, Click to continue »

Three strategies for being happier at work or school

Wednesday, October 29th, 2008

Are you like the guy in the commercial who has a parrot who repeats “Not another day.” “Can’t take this.”? If you don’t like your job, or school, or whatever you spend most of your day doing, there are several actions you can take other than complaining.

Making a big change

One possibility is to find a new job. This may take courage. Also, if you’re considering a different kind of work (or even a different work environment), it might be better to try out your new idea first by getting some experience with that new kind of work through volunteering, or by getting a part-time job without quitting your old job. If nothing along these lines is practical, find out whatever you can about the new work situation first before taking the leap. You don’t want to find out the hard way that the new situation is even worse!

Making a small change

What if it’s not a reasonable option to change jobs, or you really don’t want to for some reason? In that case you might look for ways you can transform your work situation so it gives you more satisfaction. People are happier in their work if they can be fully engaged, if they’re using their personal strengths, and if they feel like they’re making a contribution. There may be some changes you can make – or request to have made – that allow you to do these things more. If you’re bored, if you’re not able to use your abilities very fully, try taking on something more challenging, either by requesting it or by just voluntarily doing it even if you don’t have to. You may find that work becomes more fulfilling, and side benefits may include more interesting and higher-paying jobs in the future.

If you can figure out a way to do your work more efficiently and free up some of the time you saved as a result, you might be able to do something else worthwhile, either for your employer or for yourself.

Making an extracurricular change

Another option is to approach your happiness at work from the other side: Doing things outside of work that make you happier may cause some of that positive frame of mind to spill over into your work life. At the very least, it should increase your overall happiness. Just like a good vacation can rejuvenate you, a hobby or some activity you enjoy can put you in a better mood not only when you’re actually doing it, but afterward. Especially if you haven’t figured out a way yet to make your work more satisfying, make room in your life for some activity you really like.

For me the last few years that’s mainly been ballroom dance (broadly defined, including West Coast Swing, Argentine Tango, and especially Latin). It’s great because it’s good exercise (I’m a bit over 6′ tall but I went from a 35″ waist to 32″ and got more toned), there’s a social element that’s even friendlier than in most shared activities, it involves music, encourages creativity, and is a lot of fun. It’s also good for your brain: it facilitates mind-body coordination, cultivates bodily-kinesthetic intelligence, and gives your gray matter a workout through learning new dance figures and details of technique. I’ll write more about this in a future post. I’ve even participated during this time in large regional, national, and international DanceSport competitions, working my way up through 6 levels to Pre-champ Latin finalist.

As a teenager I really got into chess (and other strategy games) and played in tournaments. Next I took up guitar, and got good enough to briefly consider a career as a musician (they do have very high job satisfaction). In each case these activities were challenging and rewarding, a learning experience and fun. They allowed me to immerse myself and be fully engaged, experiencing sometimes what psychologists call “flow.”

Meaning, Pleasure, Strengths

Harvard psychology professor Tal Ben-Shahar encourages people to begin the process of finding the right work for themselves by asking three crucial questions: What gives me meaning?” “What gives me pleasure?” “What are my strengths?” Looking at the answers and finding areas of overlap may help. He recommends taking more time than just jotting down what comes to mind. In terms of what we find meaningful, for instance, he suggests: “We may need to spend time reflecting, thinking deeply to recall those moments in our lives when we felt a sense of true purpose.”

While this exercise is intended to guide a person in making a major career decision, it can be applied to the all three strategies above for increasing happiness. Extracurricular activities that people find meaningful, for example, can be very rewarding and nourishing.

How to be rich and happy

Tuesday, September 30th, 2008

After the $700 billion bailout bill was rejected by the U.S. House of Representatives yesterday, the market crash was described by news organizations as the “biggest one-day drop in Dow history” (going back to 1896). This description is kind of ridiculous because it was the biggest point drop, but in percentage terms (7%), it was not one of the top 16 worst days. In fact according to a study by researchers at New York University and Boston University, a statistical analysis using a complex formula concluded that drops of 7% would be expected once every 4.3 years, but we haven’t had one for 7 years. In 1987 the market crashed almost 23% in one day, and recovered very soon afterward.

I always wondered why most TV news programs report stock market moves in point terms without including (at least in the graphic) what the number really means in percentage terms. So it’s hugely misleading to claim yesterday was the biggest drop in Dow history. Comparing the point rise or fall with historical moves up or down becomes more and more misleading the further back you go. But hidden inside this problem is a key secret to wealth.

Exponential growth (green)

Exponential growth (green)

(Here’s a mouthful): Any growth that’s proportional to current value is going to be exponential. In other words, if you keep adding a fixed percentage (like 10%), something will grow faster and faster. The growth curve bends upward. Albert Einstein is supposed to have said that the most powerful force in the universe (or the greatest invention in human history) is compound interest.

Add 10% the first year to $100 and you’re adding just $10. But keep going and your money doubles in about 7 years. Then if you have $200 and it grows by 10% that year, you’ve gained $20. Then $400 ($40), $800 ($80)…. and that’s without putting in any additional money.

“The important thing is to find wet snow and a really long hill.”

-Warren Buffett

Something else happened yesterday. An unprecedented full biography was published about the life of Warren Buffett, the second richest man in the world and the most successful investor of all time. It’s named The Snowball. When you find a successful method for something in life, let it snowball. This applies to a lot of things, including investing.

People who put this magic to work for them get richer and richer. People who let this work against them are going the wrong way on the escalator.

A good example of this working against you is credit card debt. If you’re paying 20% on credit card debt because you didn’t pay off the full balance, you’re building wealth – but unfortunately for someone else, not for yourself.

You want to have some of your money working for you. Then it becomes a money factory.

Credit card interest is the exact opposite. It’s a money toilet. FLUSH!

If you’re making more than you spend and can invest, some of your money is going to be just like little elves laboring away while you sleep. If you’re spending more than you make, and have to borrow, more and more of your money is going to have a panoramic 360 degree view of white porcelain.

There are exceptions to “don’t borrow” of course, like debt that invests in yourself (education), or an “appreciating asset” (a house you plan to live in for at least 5 or 10 years), or even a temporary need.

Some things don’t fall into the category of “needs” – those cute shoes you saw in the store window, that cool car, that sweet electronic entertainment device or other gleaming gizmo. Besides, research shows that acquiring things only gives you a very temporary pleasure boost that doesn’t last. (Research has found that spending your money in other ways can make you happier for longer periods; more on that in a future post.)

“But I don’t have any extra money! Where am I supposed to get money to save and invest?”

In The Automatic Millionaire, David Bach advises that you have to find your “Latte factor”: What do you habitually spend money on that you could easily buy less of, but you don’t give a second thought because it’s only a small amount each time? (going out for lunch every day, soda, snacks, candy, cigarettes) A recent college graduate who finds $5 a day like this can save almost $2000 a year, invested for retirement growing at 10% becomes…drum roll…nearly $1.2 million! If an employer provides 401k matching funds of 50%, it becomes $1.74 million. Pretty expensive coffee!

Looking at it like this helps people to reevaluate those small expenses that they thought didn’t matter. They’re seeing that it’s much better and more secure to save and grow their money. Bach’s book is a basic introduction to building wealth, well-written and very easy to read, presenting a simple and practical approach that works even for people who have no previous financial knowledge. I actually bought 4 copies for family and friends a few years ago when it came out.

Here’s the bad news: Money can’t buy happiness. (Okay, you knew that already.) On the other hand, it seems like a lot of people who know this still spend a disproportionate amount of their time focused on earning money, sacrificing other things in the process. Money can be a big factor in happiness or “life satisfaction” if your struggling to satisfy basic survival needs like food and shelter. Once you get beyond this threshold, however, most research shows that increases in income are only associated with small increases in happiness (depending on how it’s defined). So money has the potential to buy you a certain kind of freedom if handled well, and there are ways to use money that increase happiness, but a lot of people neglect other things – relationships, meaningful activities, positive experiences….

If you think about it, you can use this same snowball formula not just for money but in other areas of your life too. Do what works, and then do more of it. Of course we can all learn new things from science, but you already know a lot about what works for you in various relationships, exercise and health, emotional regulation, attitude, perspective, career/vocation/calling, sense of your contribution, and what you really value in life. Analyze your successes in these and other important areas, and put more attention and effort into those successful approaches. Build on your strengths. You can be rich in more ways than just financial.

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